One Less

Tuesday, May 12, 2014

 We went back to the Civil Affairs office to finalize the adoption.  We were interviewed by two people and basically had to say why we wanted to adopt, if we were happy with the child and that we will never abandon or abuse him.  When we walked out of that office a few hours later in the eyes of China everything was final and there was one less orphan in the world.  

The rest of the day was pretty chill.  Mark and Konnor went swimming and we just stuck to the room.   The rest of the day.  Despite what all the reports said Owen is an eater.  He is eating about every 2-3 hrs at this point.  I will try to finish getting updated later.  My VPN is hit or miss so Internet is questionable.

Gotcha Day!!!

Monday, May 11, 2015
Sorry it's a few days late, but exhaustion has been kicking everyone's butt around here.  Monday we met 6 other families in the lobby at 145 to head to the Civil Affairs office.  When we travelled for Konnor we were the only family here for our agency so having a lot of families to travel with is a new experience.  Several of the families I have spoken to frequently online so it's great to meet them and see their families growing.

When we got to the Civil Affairs office it was crowded and noisey.  Many other families had already received their children.  We sat in a back corner and waited for the green light that it was our turn.  Six of the families in our group all had children coming from the same orphanage.  They brought them out from behind the curtain one at a time, and we were blessed with the opportunity to see 6 other families meet their children.  Owen was last and the person holding him just made a B-line straight for me.  It happened so fast.  One second I was telling Konnor, "look they are going to bring Owen soon," and the next she was putting a baby in my arms.  I mean seriously, after all the months of waiting, delays, and such there should be a parade or at least streamers or something.  At first he resisted, but once I held him he was fine.  When he first started fussing my sweet sweet little Konnor reached up and started rubbing his leg.  Then once we got back to our corner he immediately got some puffs to give Owen.  Let's just say that there might have been a few tears from Mama by this point.

We had a little time to get to know each other then I took Konnor back to finish some paperwork.  By this point everyone was dripping sweat (no exaggeration).  It was hot anyway, but add in the number of people in that small room with the thunderstorm that started and we were all smelling AWESOME when we got back.  It was still pouring down rain on the way back to the bus. Mark was holding Konnor and they slipped on some stairs and fell.  They are both okay, just bumps and bruises.

By the time we got back it was almost 430.  We settled for a little bit, ordered some room service and just set about getting to know each other.  Konnor was asleep by 6 and the rest of us by 8.  Konnor is still really struggling with the time change so he was up at 2, but Owen slept a solid 10 hrs.  

Truthfully, it was perfect.  My boys are together and regardless of how it came to be, that is all that really matters.  Working on getting caught up on blogging, but we have a medical appt. for Owen in a little bit so it's time to get moving.

Last picture ever as a family of 3

First glimpse of our little man

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big brother Konnor trying to console Owen (one of my favorites!)

First picture as a family of 4!!

Happy Mother's Day

today is Mother's Day, and my last one as a Mommy to 1.  By this time tomorrow I will be the Mother of 2 very special little boys.  This morning we walked a few blocks to a local park.  We didn't stay because it was starting to rain, but Richard (our totally awesome guide) showed us around so that we could come back and enjoy another day.  Then it was Pizza Hut for lunch, which was awesome, and a long nap for everyone.  We had dinner (and ate some questionable fish) with another family from our area who will have Gotcha Day tomorrow as well.  Then we hit up the local store for some baby essentials and snacks.  WOW!  That store was so loud, crowded and overwhelming that even I was uncomfortable.  I totally forgot that here it is socially acceptable to just stare at people.  I mean I know it is hard not to stare at a blonde bombshell with a handsome guy and worlds cutest kid, but sometimes it's just creepy.  For the most part everyone here has been incredibly nice, and we have had a great experience.

Tonight is Owen's last night in the orphanage.  His last night in clothes that feel comforting, food that tastes familiar and smells that he knows.  He already went through this recently with the removal from his Foster family and my heart aches that he will experience this yet again.  Our excitement must be tempered with the knowledge that for him this is not exciting or fun.  For Owen the next few days will be scary, confusing and uncomfortable.  Everything that is familiar and comforting in his life is being ripped from him in one fell swoop.  We can only pray that his Foster family prepared him as best as possible for his age.

For us it is different.  There is excitement, worry, joy and fear.  There will be a new normal for our little family, and being a planner, I want to already be at the "new normal."  I know that tonight, this day, this moment is all part of God's plan for us.  It will be beautiful and perfect, but not easy.  However, if the last 5years have taught me anything it is that sometimes the most precious gifts are wrapped up in struggle.  To quote Shrek, "onions have layers," and while hopefully we aren't stinky, we will continue to peel back each layer until we find our own beautiful new normal.  Please keep all of us in your prayers in the coming days as we all start to adjust to life as a family of 4.

Guess what...........one more sleep and Gotcha Day is here!!!!!!!!!!

We are here!!!

So let me just start by saying Konnor is a freaking rockstar! I mean we couldn't have asked for him to do any better with all this travel.  Wednesday we stayed the night in San Fransisco.  Our second flight was delayed, then we got stuck on their version of the Metro for about 1 1/2 hr.  By the time we got to the hotel we were done.  We grabbed a cab to the wharf, got some seafood, konnor got a much deserved ice cream and we headed back to the hotel.  The next morning Konnor and I grabbed some food and swam while Mark finished up some school work.  Next stop was the airport!

This is where it gets kind of hairy.  Our initial flight was 1 1/2 hr delayed due to weather issues in China (lots of rain here the last few days).  That got us to Wuhan late (thankfully it was the same plane we were taking to Guangzhou so no worries about a missed flight).  Then once we cleared customs, checked back in for our connection and then they boarded us only for us to sit on the plane for 2 hrs before takeoff : (. It was 86 degrees when we got here at 2am.  Yuck!  Needless to say it was almost 4 am before we got to the hotel.  Konnor was awesome the whole trip with only one meltdown while waiting to clear customs in Wuhan.  Pretty sure they all wanted to know what kind of torture I was inflicting on the poor child because he was soooo over it.  He only slept on and off for a few hrs here and there on the plane.  He was also less than impressed with plane food and survived on my massive snack stash (we already had to go snack shopping today).  After about 26 hrs of nonstop travel we were all cranky so I don't blame him at all.  He only slept about 2 1/2 hrs before getting up for breakfast.  We walked to 7-11 to get snacks and then the last two days really caught up to Konnor.  I finally got him to sleep and we all took a much needed 4hr nap.  The rest of the day was just chill day.  Everyone felt better after nap.  Konnor and I swam for about an hour while Mark took a final and then we explored the hotel.  All my sensory parents will understand why we walked the stairs and escalators about a hundred times.  Matching games, coloring and books before our little guy passed out cold.  I am still in awe of how well he travelled the last few days.

We are getting the room arranged, and then tomorrow we are going to a local park.  I feel surprising good despite the jet lag.  Hoping we all sleep good tonight.  Only 2 more sleeps until we meet Owen!

The plane getting ready to take off

San Fransisco, Mark and Konnor with Alcatraz in the back ground

Getting settled in the hotel room

Room view

Leaving On A Jet Plane

It's almost midnight.  The alarm is set for 430 and by 530 we will be in the car and headed to St. Louis for the first leg of our journey.  The bags are packed including carry on's with only early morning essentials to throw in the bag.

Wow.  It's here.  I mean it's really here.  It feels like we have waited forever, 16 months, but all of a sudden the world started spinning faster and in a blink the last 2 months have flown by.  I am excited, scared, nervous, anxious and a million other things, but overall, I mean the real honest truth is that I feel a great calmness right now.  Right this minute all I have left to do is get on a plane.  The paperwork has been triple checked and it's time to go.  In 5 days I will be the Mother of 2, and while I know we have some tough days ahead, I know it's time.  God's time is always right.  So soon I will head to bed and get maybe a little sleep, but I wanted to touch on a few things first.

Nesting.  I wanted to talk about this in great detail and before midnight the night before we leave, but the last week has been a crazy, awesome mess : )  So here is a run down with some great sources to check into.  If you are family and plan on spending any time with us I HIGHLY recommend you review these sources.  If you are friends that plan on spending time with us please also do a quick run through to get an idea what we are talking about.  Owen has suffered great loss and trauma in his short life and the things we do to help him heal may seem out of the ordinary to you, but are essential to him.  We also have to assume that this adoption will trigger some issues with Konnor as well.  He is a very sensitive little guy, and we have to think ahead of ways to help him through this transition as well.


-We will be nesting when we get home.  No we will not be shut in our house 24/7, but we will limit our activities for at least the first few weeks to help everyone adjust to their new surroundings and schedules.

-We will not be allowing anyone to hold Owen for the immediate future.  There is no exact timeline on this as it is all dependent on his adjustment, but this is not negotiable.  He has had significant trauma with the loss of his birth family,  multiple hospitalizations, multiple caregivers and being taken from the only home he has ever known.  Konnor took to us right away, but there is no guarantee that Owen will react the same way so until such time as he shows signs of bonding to BOTH Mark and I we will not allow holding or self care to be done by anyone but us (feeding, diapers, baths, etc...).  You are welcome to talk to him, give fives, make silly faces, etc..., but please refrain from trying to take him from us and if he does reach for you please do not try to take him from our arms.  This is not meant to cause distress to anyone and it is not personal, but we have to do what is best for Owen and ultimately our family.  Please address questions to Mark or I regarding this issue.
Please please please read this article.  It is about perfect in explaining what I am talking about here.

www.https://thesweetfamilylife.wordpress.com/2014/01/10/a-letter-for-the-family-and-friends-of-those-adopting-a-little-one/

-Owen has burns on his right arm that are significant.  They don't hurt him and over time will get somewhat better, but will never completely heal. It is ok to talk about or ask questions about his burns.   It is a part of his history, but we don't want it to become the center of conversation everytime he meets someone so please try to plan ahead and talk to your children about what questions they may have and we are happy to help answer questions.   The Phoenix Society  http://www.phoenix-society.org  has some wonderful information about burns if anyone is interested in learning more.  

Alright everyone.  I know there is more, but honestly my alarm is going off in 4 hours and that is only if a 4 year old doesn't wake me up sooner.  Let me know if you have any questions and we will try to update as much as possible from China.

Mixed Emotions

We are only 5 days away from leaving and my emotions are all over the place.  Don't get me wrong, I am crazy excited, but there is more to it than just adding a little one to our family.  You see, the orphanage will already have been notified of Owen's impending adoption and his Gotcha Day.  This is huge in his world.  Any day now, if they haven't already, they will remove Owen from his Foster Family and place him back in the orphanage.  We have requested that they only do this a week prior, but truthfully we have no control over this and typically they do this about 2 weeks before Gotcha Day.  The reasoning is to create some distance between the child and the Foster Family so that they are more accepting of their Forever Family, but also they want the Nanny's to be the "bad guys" that remove the child versus the new family taking on that role.

My concerns are multiple on this issue:
I completely understand why they are doing this, but I hate hate hate to the core of my being that he will be back in the orphanage.  Firstly, he was moved to Foster Care due to the fact that he was failing to thrive in the orphanage.  This is one of the better orphanages, but still it is not a home with a Mommy to attend to all of his needs.  I worry about his eating (they have repeatedly told us he is not a good eater), I worry about his burns being taken care of, and on and on.

Mostly though my heart is breaking because I know his heart is breaking.  He has spent 8 months with this family.  They stayed with him during his hospitalization, burn care, etc... and from all accounts from parents whose children have fostered with them, they are amazing and love their foster children fiercely.  He is so little and has no way of knowing that this home is temporary.  In his mind this is Mama and Baba. I can only imagine how scared and confused he must be right now.  To then be in the orphanage and suddenly be handed to these people who look nothing like him, smell funny and talk funny is going to be just another trauma in his life.

So right now I ask that you say prayers for him.  That he will feel God's love surrounding him until we can be with him.  That his heart will be open to us and that our hearts and minds will be in tune to his needs during this upcoming transition.

Thank You

Whirlwind!!!!

Ahhhh!!! Ok so the last few days have been CRAZY!!!  We got our confirmed appt for the US Consult which means we will officially be meeting Owen for the first time on May 11!!  Less than 2 weeks from now!

  In the last few days we have planned our travel, booked flights, scheduled him for Cleft team, Pediatricians appt.'s and contacted his Burn team to start the process to get him scheduled there.  Seriously it is crazy around here!  Bags are starting to get packed and we officially are only 8 days aware from leaving!

Yesterday Konnor picked out a couple of the chunky cars he used to play with, the kind you pull back and they go across the floor.  He put them in Owen's suitcase and said he could have them b/c they are for little boys and he is a big boy now.  Oh melt this Mama's heart.  We are trying to prepare Konnor as best we can and as of now he is super excited about "going to bring Owen home."

In the coming days I am going to be posting a lot about cocooning and the why's of it after an adoption.  I talked about this with Konnor's adoption, but many do not understand why it is necessary and unfortunately there were relationships that were damaged due to lack of understanding.  Please remember that ultimately we will do what is best for our boys regardless of if it is understood, but we will try to pave the way so that people have a better grasp on the situation.  Thank you for your understanding on this topic.

8 days!!!!