November Updates!

November 7 we had Owen's 2nd birthday party.  He had so much fun.  We had intentionally kept the guest list small (he still doesn't really care for crowds or strangers). We had a ton of fun and lots of extra cake for dessert the next few nights.  The Barton cousins came to play in the morning and then Wyatt and Bryson came in the afternoon.  The boys had a blast in a bounce house our neighbors let us borrow.  Balloons and trains and these boys were in Heaven.  

So on November 13 we took Owen for his post op follow up.  The surgeon said that he does not believe Owen has a fistula (Praise God!!!)  He thinks that either 1) his palate is so short that he is regurgitating some of the food we are seeing over the back of his palate, or 2) he may have a tiny fistula at the front where they closed his alveolar cleft after they removed a tooth, but if there is then it doesn't need to be repaired until he has his bone graft in 6-8 years.  Yay!!!!  I won't lie, I cried a little.  His post op recovery was a real struggle.  He has had so much medical related trauma that I think this just drudged up some bad memories for him.  On a good note I think the fact that we walked him through this and never left or wavered has earned us some major points in the attachment area.  More on that later.  

He is already trying so hard to talk.  His favorite words (and most easily recognized) Mickey Mouse, More, Mine, On, Off, M&M, night night and Mama. 

He has also tried getting some two word sentences like "Want More" which is great developmentally.  He so wants to be able to communicate.  We are in the process of having him screened for Early Intervention for Speech, Developmental, OT and Dietician so see what areas we need to work on.  

Currently Baxter and Owen have a Love/Hate relationship going on.  They really do love each other, but Baxter is prone to snagging any extra food he might be able to reach.  Owen has caught on to this and screams at Baxter anytime Owen has food in his hands b/c he wants to keep Baxter away from his food (it really doesn't matter if Baxter is right in front of him or asleep on the couch across the room, he gets yelled at in anticipation of possible food stealing).  Poor Baxter just can't win with Owen right now.  I am however happy that Owen is calling out to us for help with this situation and that he feels secure enough to exert his needs/wants.  

Owen got to experience his first snow.  Okay it was barely a dusting, but let's introduce him slowly.  He isn't used to all this cold.  He really wasn't all that impressed.  We also (after much begging on Konnor's part) put up our Christmas tree.  Owen thinks it is pretty cool and thankfully doesn't mess with the ornaments much.  The boys built a train track around the tree since we don't have a motorized train for around the tree yet and will spend forever just sitting there taking the train in circles.  

Thursday we celebrated Owen's first Thanksgiving.  We traditionally don't do much for Thanksgiving.  We went out for dinner with Mark's parents and then just planned a chill day at home. For afternoon snack we ended up making a picnic on the floor of our guest room.  We spread out a blanket and the veggie, meat/cheese tray we had bought for snacking.  We all sat criss cross applesauce and acted silly.  We all said what we were thankful for and I am sure you will be shocked to learn that Konnor was thankful for Monster Jam.  When it was my turn this conversation happened: Me: I am thankful that Owen is home b/c for Thanksgiving last year he was still in China. 

Konnor: Mommy that is when Owen got his owies. 

Me: yes, it was close to that time that he got his owies.  

Then Konnor leaned forward and rubbed Owen's burns (this is big b/c he is usually afraid he will hurt Owen if he touches his arm) and said: "Owen I love your owies.  I love you Owen." 

And then my Mommy's heart burst.  I mean really!  He is so sweet and kind and just loves his brother so much.  Don't get me wrong they fight, but overall they get along beautifully.  This moment is getting stored in my Mommy's Heart is Full long term memory section for all those days that they don't get along so well as teenagers.  

Then we get to Black Friday.  We had not been able to get our traditional Polar Express tickets this year b/c they sold out so fast, but around noon a friend posted that they had tickets for that nights train in Monticello.  I jumped.  I have 2 huge train lovers in this house so this is a no brainer, and by 415 we were headed to the Polar Express train ride.  Konnor was so excited to be able to take Owen this year.  He had been very disappointed when we couldn't get tickets so this was a huge win in the Mama/Papa points book.  The boys had so much fun.  They laughed, danced, drank hot chocolate, ate cookies and we honestly  just had a beautiful family evening.  I am so happy we were able to do this.  

More to come, but for now here is a photo purge : )

Polar Express

Look, it's Elves!

Mama snuggles

Brother Kisses

Owen was soooo mad b/c I took his popcorn away to take the picture : )  Mean ol Mama

Silliness with Papa

.

First snow!!

First Christmas Tree!

Happy Birthday Owen!!!

November 4, 2015 (I really did write this on November 4, but didn't get the pictures uploaded until now)

Our precious youngest Son turned 2 today.  I am in complete and total denial.  I feel like I just met him and he is already heading from the land of babies and toddlers into the land of little men.  I am just not ready.  I admit I am struggling with this birthday.  At this point in our life Mark and I believe our family to be complete.  So it suddenly caught me by surprise when I realized that this is it...there are no more babies in my house.  I admit my heart broke just a little bit.  I had such a short amount of time with the boys in "baby land" that it is a little hard to imagine that I will never have a baby again. But on to happier times:

This now little man is just amazing.  He has come so far in the almost 6 months he has been with our family.  His physical revealed that growing in inches and weight is not a priority for him (still itty bitty at only 22 lb 2 oz and 32 inches--We are single handedly keeping the Pediasure company in business), but he is definitely growing by leaps and bounds in personality.  He has really come out of his shell in the last few weeks.  He is starting to ask for things he wants, he has learned "mine" where he grabs something to him and tucks it into his chest (it is hard not to smile b/c it is so cute), and he has developed an ornery streak.  I think he is going to end up being our stubborn one : )  Overall though it is just such a privilege to see him emerging from his shell.  To see him trusting us more and more each day.  We still have a long way to go.  He had a lot of history before he came to us, but we are so so grateful to get a chance to walk with him in his life.  To see his story unfold.

Some of Owen's favorites as a new 2 yr old:

Chuggington
Any type of chip or pretzel
Greek Yogurt
Ice Cream
Chocolate
Cars or trains
MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC

November 3

November 3 is always going to be a special day in our house.  On November 3, 2014 we saw pictures of Owen for the first time.  I just knew as soon as I saw him that he was our next son.  Konnor and I went to Mark's work to show him pictures of the next blessing to be added to our family and from that moment on he was our Son.

But November 3 has another special meaning in our house.  It is the day before Owen's birthday.  Right this very minute it is already November 4 in China.  On the other side of the world there is a family grieving this day.  Not knowing if the child they loved so much has gotten the medical care he needed or found a Forever Family to call his own.  I think about this family a lot.  As I mentioned before, there was a birth note left with Owen.  We know that this family loved him and just could not provide the care he needed.  My heart is heavy this night for a Mother that 2 years ago must have been so scared as she went into preterm labor.  So uncertain of the future of this child that she  had sheltered up to that day.  I can't imagine the anguish this family felt as they had to make the decision that their child would have a better future without them. I am eternally grateful that they chose life for this boy.  This boy whose smile lights up our days and whose giggles make you see rainbows on even the bluest days.

So tonight I will say some extra prayers.  Prayers for peace for this wonderful family on the other side of the world.  I will never meet them or know their names, but we will forever be connected through our love of this beautiful little boy.

Surgery Update

Sorry it took so long to get everyone updated.  It's been a long month.  Owen's surgery went well.  He had some issues with sleepiness and low oxygen after surgery that required some supplemental oxygen, but once the anesthesia really wore off this corrected itself.  He really did great in the hospital.  He just wanted Mom to hold him, but he slept fairly well and ate pretty good.  We discharged first thing the next morning.  They had given Owen multiple doses of IV steroids during and post op due to his small size and oxygen dropping.  They were worried about swelling so that's why the steroids.  They worked great, but unfortunately IV steroids are rough and little man had a tough 3 days post op.  He just could not sleep at all.  Maybe 45 minutes at a time and it would take up to 2 hrs to get him to sleep.  I won't lie.  It was a rough couple days.

Let me tell you something else that happened those first few days.  Our little Konnor man showed his true big brother colors.  I have watched this little man mature so much in the last month.  As soon as we got home we reviewed again about Owen's owies and that he couldn't have anything crispy, crunchy or hard to chew.  Konnor immediately went to the bathroom and got a box of bandaids for Owen's owies.  He was constantly saying "Owen, I know it hurts.  Here Owen this is for you. Mommy Owen is hungry.  Mommy Owen tried to put his fingers in his mouth."  Anything to help me.  Owen has been super fussy since surgery, super fussy, and Konnor has really done awesome in dealing with everything.  He has been so gentle with him and is always saying "it will be okay Owen."

Unfortunately 3 days post op Owen developed a cold and by 5 days post op we could see his soft palate was starting to open up again.  We saw the surgeon a few days later and he said to suppress the cough, stay on a soft diet another month and see him back.  He was confident it would start to heal on it's own.  The good news is that the soft palate does appear to be healing, but I think we have a fistula somewhere else b/c he has food leaking from his nose.  : (  My heart hurts for him just thinking about him having to do this surgery again next year.  We see the surgeon again in a week and a half so we will see what he says at that time.

I was able to stay home with Owen for the first two weeks and then headed back to work.  Overall he really has been a trooper.  He has had so much happy in his short little life, and I just can't believe how well he has handled everything.

Surgery

The dreaded word.....Surgery.  It's here.  He has been home almost 5 months, but it still seems to soon.  Are you ever really though.  I mean we have done this before.  This exact surgery before (well close as Owen's is a unilateral), but I think that almost makes it worse b/c I know what is coming.

We are dropping Konnor off with my Mom and headed to St. Louis tonight.  We have to be at the hospital at 545 for a 7 am surgery.  We have some specific prayer requests:

1)  Our healthcare workers.  We pray for clarity, wisdom and steady hands.

2) Health and Healing for Owen.  Both physically and emotionally.  This will be his 4th hospitalization in his short life, his 3rd surgery in 12 months and the first time he has ever had a Mama and Papa at his side.

3) Due to our still emerging bond we are asking that Anesthesia allow me to do a parental induction.  Please pray that we get providers that are willing to listen to our concerns in this area.  (they never allowed me to do this with Konnor).

4) Say a prayer for Konnor.  He is not used to being away from us and usually doesn't do well for more than one night.  This will be at least 2 nights with us gone.

Thank you

Brothers

For all the times they throw things at each other, hit each other and yell "Mom, insert child's, is bugging me/touching me/looking at me, etc...  This morning they are best friends.  Playing together.  Konnor set up a ramp for Owen to ramp cars and explained how to transform his Rescue Bots, he got Owen his favorite snack of chocolate covered pretzels (and yes I let him eat them at 9 am b/c it was so sweet) and Owen hasn't hit or thrown anything at Konnor all morning.  These are the moments I will remember.  The moments where two strangers became brothers.  The moments where we can actually see God's love right in front of our eyes.

Attachment and Trust

Exciting things are happening in this house in regards to bonding and attachment.  It's been 4 months and 2 days since this precious little boy was placed in our arms.  I can't remember what our life was even like before we became a family of four.  I can't wait to tell you what has been happening, but first I have to give you a little background so you will fully understand the magnitude of these events.

The key to attachment is trust.  Most people think of trust strictly in the romantic relationship capacity, but the trust of a child is completely different.  It's fragile and needs constant reassurance to build into a stable force in a child's life.  Last summer I injured my rotator cuff.  As I did physical therapy the therapist kept stressing the importance of doing my daily exercises.  I reassured her that I would absolutely be doing my exercises as I would soon be wearing a toddler in a Ergo full time and would need my shoulder's to be up to par.  She gave me a confused look and so I gave her this brief summary:  your children knew from day one that you would provide for their every need.  When they cried for hunger you fed them, when they were wet you changed their diaper, when they fell you kissed their owies.  My children never had this sense of security before joining our family.  Their needs were met not based on their actual need at the moment, but on the facilities schedule.  When this happens you learn to not expect help so then why ask for help.

We often hear from well meaning people "oh they were adopted so young they will be fine."  They are right, my boys will be fine, but the age of adoption doesn't dictate the lasting effects.  Those first months of life, the ones where they learned not to trust, not to depend on anyone and not to let their guard down, helped to shape their brains and personalities.  It dictates their responses to different situations.  It effects their ability to trust and therefore, develop strong attachments.  This is why we are so particular about people not holding Owen and why we don't allow others to feed/bath, etc.. him.  He has to learn that we will provide for his needs.  He has to learn that we can be trusted.  It's not a matter of just recognizing us as Mama and Papa.  He has to know that being Mama and Papa means safety and trust.

Ok that is seriously a watered down lesson on attachment in adoption, but I think it gives you the basics so you can appreciate these next few things:  In the last week 3 REALLY AWESOME things have happened.

1) For the first time ever Owen gave me an unprompted kiss.  He would give them if asked or in response to me kissing on him, but the other day he was sitting on my lap and just leaned forward and planted the sweetest little snot included kiss.  He looked so proud of himself and this unprompted show of affection from him brought this Mama to tears.  This is BIG people.  He wanted to show me affection not because he thought it was the expected response, but because he wanted to kiss his Mama.  It's BIG, trust me.

2)  He has started asking for food and drink.  Even going to far as to get in the pantry and show us exactly what he wants!!!!  Oh my Heavens I can't even tell you how exciting this is!!  He has NEVER asked for food or drink.  Whenever we get something for Konnor we always offer him too (which is like every hour b/c Konnor is in a growth spurt and eats nonstop), but he has never independently asked for something.  Right now it is a trust building exercise b/c half the time he takes one bite and moves on (don't worry I save it for later), but he just wants to know that no matter how often he asks he will get something to eat.  Yay!!!!  Maybe with this newfound independence we will start to see some growth.

3) He has started saying "Owie" and wants kisses on his oweis!!!!!  Guys!  I just can't even!!!!!  This is a child whose knees are perpetually bleeding and he never notices.  A child who has had multiple hospitalizations, 3rd degree burns and 2 surgeries all without a Mama to make the owies all better.  He has good reason to not notice when he gets hurt, but here is this amazing little boy asking me to kiss his toes or fingers or hand or arm or head, etc...  We have a lot of imaginary owies right now, but I kiss every stinking one of them, b/c I want him to know that no matter how big or small Mama will take care of him.

If you read this far I hope you understand the magnitude of these events and why we are so excited.  Attachment is a long process.  Sometimes there are giant leaps like above and sometimes it is a smaller event that you don't even realize until you reflect later.   They all matter.  They all count.  They all make for a strong lasting foundation for our babies.  I can't take away the hurt from the first 18 months of his life, but I can give him reason to trust.  I can give him that over and over again until one day we will look back and not even realize that our relationship was ever any other way.