Emotions

It has taken me a few days to find the will to write this post.  For those that follow us on Facebook you know what is going on, but for everyone else let me fill you in on the events of our week.

Thursday morning we received a call from our agency.  I of course grabbed my phone and ran to the break room at work anticipating that our caseworker was calling with the much awaited LOA news.  Unfortunately the first words our of her mouth were, "Ashley I'm not calling about your LOA."  It was her tone of voice that tipped me off that whatever was about to come was not good.  My stomach hit the floor as I pushed out the words "what's wrong."  I came to find out that our son Owen sustained a burn injury on December 11.  It was a hot water burn injury sustained at the foster family's home.  It was an accident.  An accident that could have happened to any of us on any day in our own homes.  It wasn't malicious and the foster family got immediate treatment for him.

Of course we were horrified.  On so many different levels that it has taken me awhile to actually sort out my feelings on this issue.  I have gone through every level of emotions in the last 4 days, fear, worry, anger, confusion, sadness, anxiety, the list could go on and on.  At first I was just physically sick with worry for Owen.  I have had just minor household burns and they are extremely painful.  The idea of my 14 month old Son dealing with pain even worse than what minor burns I had experienced is beyond me.  Then the Mama Nurse set in...is his pain controlled, did he get an infection, are they keeping it moist, are they doing dressing changes correctly, is he doing PT, let's just say my Nurse brain went into overdrive.  Amidst all of this all I could think was "we need to get him home right now." That is easier said than done in the adoption world.  We received a report that was basically his discharge summary from the hospital.  After having read through it and having some other's review it I felt a lot better.  It did sound severe, but the report sounded as if the actual area involved was fairly small.  At this point all we knew was that the majority of the burn was on the right arm.  Our agency requested pictures, but we knew it would be a day or more before we got them to help give some clarity to the situation.

This is the point where my anger sets in.  Owen's injury happened on December 11 and our agency was not notified until January 29.  He was in the hospital for over a month and the orphanage never considered to notify our agency even though they knew he had a family pursuing his adoption.  Do I know realistically I wouldn't have been able to physically do anything for him??  Yes, I know that, but we could have been praying about this specifically, we could have expedited his adoption immediately and been traveling now to get him instead of the complete standstill we are now experiencing.  I know that in their minds we have no rights to this child yet, but how do they not notify us?!?!  This is not a minor thing.  This will require life long care in addition to his other medical needs.  I can honestly say I don't think I have ever seen Mark so angry, and for those that know my husband you know that "Mr. Levelheaded" doesn't get angry all that often.  I just have no words for this part of the story, b/c honestly there is still a part of me that wants to scream at the people who made the decision not to tell us.  That is my baby. I may not have held him yet, but I have all the love, hope, fears and dreams for him that anyone expecting a child would develop.

Friday morning we woke up to pictures from our agency's in China coordinator.  Thankfully we had been corresponding with him regarding a care package so he knew we where in process to adopt Owen and sent the pictures directly to me.  Unfortunately they were in a format I couldn't open so I sent them on the agency with an Urgent message to get them open so I could start showing them to providers and we could get a plan together.  I went about my day stopping by the Pediatricians with all the information I had on Owen to date.  While walking back to my car the Director of our agency called.  "Ashley, it's bad."  She was sending me the pictures, but wanted me to be prepared for what I was going to see.  The report we had gotten was more than a little bit misleading and his burn is significant.  I sobbed.  There is no other word for it.  I cried harder than I have in my entire life.  His burns encompass 80% of his right forearm, part of his hand and extend above his elbow.  This is not a small area that will heal and barely be noticeable.  This is a life long scar that will forevermore be apart of his life story.  My heart aches just thinking about what he must have gone through.  I spend my work days caring for patients, and frankly I micromanage my children's healthcare so to see these pictures and to not have any control over when/how, etc... is harder than I would like to admit.  To make matters even worse there was more bad news coming.  Our agency had been requesting updates for 3 1/2 weeks as to the status of our LOA (Letter of Acceptance).  This is the piece of paper from China that says "he's yours, finish your paperwork and get over here."  They had been told repeatedly that our paperwork was "on it's way."  Well on Friday they received notice that our LOA was not on it's way, but in fact when the computers were upgraded at the end of December our paperwork was lost.  LOST!  I just can't even....

All I can really say on the situation right now is that our agency is doing absolutely everything they can to help.  They are committed to getting Owen any and all care he needs until we can bring him home and are pulling all strings to get this paperwork issue fixed.  We love our agency.  They truly love these kids as much their families love them.  Neurotic Nurse Mama is already all over the burn care aspect.  I have reached out to other families that have adopted children with burns, I have sent our information on to our current plastic surgeon (who we found out does have experience with burn victims) and we are trying to reach someone as Shriner's in Cincinnati to have them consult on Owen's case.  I am researching creams, essential oils, soaps and anything else I can think of to help him heal and have optimal use of that arm.  He will need long term Physical Therapy.  We are looking for books on burns that are directed at siblings for Konnor.  Ideally we will try to expedite Owen's adoption from this point on, but realistically until our paperwork issue is resolved there is really nothing we can do at this point.  So for now we just ask for your continued prayers.  Prayers for healing for Owen, for compassion and wisdom for his caretakers and guidance with our paperwork.

Thank You